Meanwhile, Eric ponders the meaning of his identity.

Honesty with these electronic diary entries is essential if I'm entertaining any notions of journalistic accuracy here. Without a topic in mind, I will attempt to write and get the urge to write out of my system. Lord knows it's counter-productive (and counter-interesting) to the extreme.

Something in the wind recently has been craving instant gratification in terms of solidifying the coming chapters of my life, and it seems unlike the usual progression of things. I am usually pretty patient when dealing with my life, but some internal switch has been turned. Maybe this is the point in my life when I am supposed to be feeling this urgency, the point where I'm supposed to get off my disgusting ass and do something about my wayward life. Rarely do I take the reigns of my life, and I think I'm supposed to now.

I've known this for years but have not been developed enough to do it until now. I was supposed to dither, to drink, to destroy. It was all an essential part of the developmental process.

And hopefully something good will come from all this single-minded devotion to development that's currently clouding my vision.